Yes, as promised, I am back to posting weekly here on sweet-reverie.com. During my hiatus, I spent a great deal of time browsing the 26,000+ mods on the Skyrim Nexus in hopes of creating the ultimate Elder Scrolls V experience. For all of you poor souls, like me, who cannot bear to think that you might be missing out on the tiniest bit of modded goodness in Skyrim, I have a message: it is an impossible quest. In the time required to mod Skyrim to near perfection, you could easily learn a new language, build a house, or perhaps eliminate world hunger. Having dedicated several Microsoft Word documents to analyzing mod after mod, I finally gave up and retreated to the sweet simplicity of anime. But what if anime could be modded? Below are a couple examples of mods that I think would crop up on the proverbial Anime Nexus. Note that #3 contains a major spoiler if you haven’t seen Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion season 1.
#1: “Remove annoying attack names”
This simple mod would remove the audio every time a character in a shounen anime felt the need to announce the name of one of their attacks. Just like its counterparts in Skyrim (“remove annoying sneak attack sound” and variations), this mod wouldn’t be for everyone. But at least it could give our ears a rest and allow us to concentrate on the plot from time to time. Or the character dynamics. Well, to be honest, probably the monologues.
#2: “full metal panic season 4″
Skyrim boasts some impressive quest mods (e.g. Moonpath to Elsweyr), some of which pack as much content as a traditional expansion. However, these fan-made efforts are notably less ideal than downloadable content from Bethesda for a few reasons: 1.) dubious voice acting; 2.) a lack of proofreading; 3.) the inability to produce completely new game models, for the most part. As far as bugginess, they usually aren’t too much worse than any Elder Scrolls entry. Expect the fan-made continuation of the Full Metal Panic! series to feature the creator’s mother’s neighbor’s phlegmatic dog as a voice actor, to strip Sousuke and Chidori down to their underwear (or worse), and to continuously misspell Teletha Testarossa as Teletha Testosterone in the subtitles.
#3: “The Euphemia Fix”
Skyrim features one notoriously annoying and improbable decision during the main quest that has been repeatedly and easily remedied by modders. Some have removed the decision altogether, while others have added dialogue options that allow you to bring the conflict to a more peaceful resolution. This particular mod would allow Lelouch to say, “fetch me a cheeseburger” instead of “kill all the Japanese” in episode 22 of the first season, preventing Euphemia from going on a killing rampage, and thus bringing the series to a far happier and more peaceful conclusion in R2.
#4: “Anime Catholicism Realism Mod”
Japan is a country with a low Christian population, and as a result its depictions of traditionally Western religions like Catholic Christianity can sometimes be rather skewed. Skyrim has legions of realism mods for everything, from graphical effects to eating habits (some of which require complex nutritional analysis of food). Thus, it would seem no surprise that some articulate theologian might correct some of the misconceptions about Catholicism in popular anime. Nuns would be aged by twenty years, on average, have their breast sizes shrunk by 50%, and be engaged primarily in prayer and caring for the poor rather than exorcising demons. Priests would stick to caring for their flocks rather than using cross-themed weaponry to banish all manner of evildoers, and they might actually respect their vows to poverty, chastity, and obedience. The Vatican would not in fact have a secret division of super-agents. And the Pope would probably speak Spanish, German, or Italian rather than Japanese.
#5: “Sexy Nude Mod”
Anyone familiar with Skyrim mods knows that this would happen. Self-explanatory, really.
#6: “Gunslinger Girl Female Facial Replacer”
Evidently what happened between seasons one and two.
#7: ” Unofficial Naruto Filler Patch”
Filler episodes in any long-running shounen series have lower-quality animation than the rest of the show, because there’s really no point in investing significant amounts of time and money into something that doesn’t even matter to the story. The best solution for these episodes is probably to remove them altogether, but for those who want the entire series an unofficial patch may be helpful. This would touch up annoying jagged edges, missing faces, and bizarre color choices. Nice how the fans can put in the work when the creators don’t bother, eh?
There you have it. Do you have any ideas regarding how anime might be “modded,” or suggestions regarding Skyrim mods? Leave them below, and I will surely reply. I’ll admit, I haven’t given up completely on making the perfect version of Skyrim. As soon as I pick up one of the new Alienware laptops, I may pay another visit to the home of the Nords. If I finally find the perfect combination of mods, I’ll post it here.
Images courtesy of Wikimedia Commons, MyAnimeList.com, and Mania.com respectively.